A letter from Melissa

on gun violence, grief, hope & action

Good Morning,

Mo asked me to write to you this week. I don’t know most of you, but if you have picked up bread from our house, you’ve seen my handwriting on your brown paper bag. You’ll often find me in spaces like that- curating details, while empowering those around me to help their dreams take root. Practically, I also spent years cleaning up sourdough from every crevice of our kitchen, before we built Mo a bakery in the basement.

I think he wanted me to write so that I could empower YOU. This has been an intense few weeks, in the wake of the tragedy at Abundant Life Christian School (ALCS). And yet, it’s already out of the news cycle. It’s not easy to think about gun violence. As a mom, it is especially difficult to think about random acts of gun violence at schools. But we have to refuse the narrative of quickly moving on- because our children are depending on us.

I say “our children” whether you are a parent or not, because the next generation is entrusted to us. Whatever action or inaction we choose will become their new normal as they grow up.

“How old was the kid that had the gun?”

Our 8 year old daughter asked me the kid’s age when I told her about the tragic events at ALCS. She’s old enough now that I could tell she was weighing the chances that this could happen at her own school.

“It was okay until about 30 minutes ago.”- a college student said this when I asked how her week was going. I was serving lunch to a few hundred students when the ALCS news broke. She has grown up with news of school shootings. This time, it happened too close to home.

I was in 8th grade when the Columbine massacre happened. I grew up practicing tornado drills, not active shooter drills. The ALCS tragedy happened too close to home geographically, and also in our own sphere. I have colleagues and friends whose children attend school at ALCS. The firsthand stories have brought me to tears over the past few weeks.

But none of this is about me. And yet all of it is. We feel these tragedies so deeply, especially as parents, because parenting is universal. Every parent’s stomach flips thinking about our collective worst nightmare- losing a child. And yet, we have to watch the news, feel sick, and somehow pick ourselves up and walk our kids to school the next day.

What are we doing, America?

Gun violence has become normal in this country, but none of it is actually normal. We cannot grow weary in doing good, and we cannot lose hope. So just take a simple action to get started.

One easy place to start is by normalizing conversations in your own life. It might feel awkward to ask another parent about guns in their household, but I find it can be easily wrapped up in the usual slate of questions. Like this:

“Hey, C is excited to come over to play today. He doesn’t have any allergies or dietary restrictions. One question I always ask parents before a playdate is- do you have any guns in your home? If so, how are they stored? For future reference, we have none in our home.”

Why do I ask this? Because firearms are one of the leading causes of death for children in our country. As a parent, I will always ask that awkward question- to normalize it, so more of our kids can be kept safe. Every parent has answered my question, and the gun owners (hunters) have always replied with how their guns and ammunition are stored (separately and locked up in places that are inaccessible to children).

Speaking of which, you should know that Wisconsin has a Child Access Prevention (CAP) law that makes it a crime to recklessly store a firearm that is within reach of a child under the age of 14. However, there are no safe storage laws in Wisconsin, and therefore no requirements for how to store firearms in the home.

Here is a link to great primer on gun laws in Wisconsin. This comes from Everytown for Gun Safety, which is the organization who were donating the profits from bread sales to this month.

It may seem easy to feel defeated about politics these days. Everything is divided and you may feel like nothing is getting done. Here’s the secret about politics: we all need to care. The more people that are paying attention to their elected officials, contacting them, holding them accountable, and voting… the more we can chip away at the collective narrative that nothing will ever change. Because it can only change if we the people keep getting involved.

Here’s a link to a recent primer on suggested areas of advocacy in Wisconsin

With a new state legislative cycle beginning this week, it’s a great time to contact your elected officials and talk to them about strengthening gun laws in our state. You can look up the names of all of your elected officials here: https://myvote.wi.gov/en-us/My-Elected-Officials

I still remember the first time I called US Senator Ron Johnson’s office to advocate for healthcare policy. I told his aide why I was calling, and mistakenly called him “Dr. Johnson” three times in a row. Granted, I am a veterinarian and most people I talked to in that season of life were doctors like me, but I was so embarrassed! I apologized, and the aide just nonchalantly said “you’re not alone, that’s happened a bunch of times today.” All this to say, don’t be afraid of fumbling your words. You’re a real person and so are they.

Also, call ALL of your elected officials, whether you think they’re supportive of stronger gun legislation or not. It helps to encourage those who are making progress, and it helps to push those that oppose it. Rarely do people get positive feedback, so I try to thank folks in life (including elected officials) whenever I can.

There is great work being done by Everytown and Moms Demand Action. I would encourage you to read their report about Guns in Schools: https://www.everytown.org/issues/guns-in-schools/

In case you don’t read it, key recommendations of this report are as follows:

• Enact and enforce secure firearm storage laws

• Pass extreme risk laws

• Raise the age to purchase semi-automatic firearms

• Require background checks on all gun sales

• Foster a safe and trusting school climate

• Build a culture of safe gun storage

• Create evidence-based crisis assessment/prevention programs in schools

• Implement expert-endorsed school security upgrades: entry control and locks

• Initiate trauma-informed emergency planning

• Avoid practices that can harm and traumatize students

There’s a lot of opportunity to get involved! You don’t have to do everything, but we can all do something. Pick one thing that resonates with you. That’s another secret of being part of a community, you don’t have to do everything. It is our collective action that will continue to tip the scales toward justice and safety. Our children depend on us refusing to lose hope. Let’s go.

Always,

Melissa Cheeks